My Gym Obsession Gone Bad

I used to be an avid gym goer. I would spend five days a week at the gym, two hours each day. I didn't really let anything, except for a sick child, get in the way of my gym time. I was pretty obsessed with working out. I would drop my kids off in child care and be on my merry way to my class of choice. I worked extremely hard and was eating very "healthy." And as a result I lost a significant amount of weight.

However after all that work and weighing less than I had since high school, I still had the "mommy tummy" and my wonderful "love handles." I would look around at other moms of three kids and see their perfectly flat stomachs and wonder what I was doing wrong? I would look at them and envy them and started getting pretty down on myself. It got to a point where my gym habit, instead of being a healthy one, was actually turning into a damaging habit.

I was even putting the gym ahead of my personal quiet time. Which at this time of my life was pretty much never happening. But, hey I was going to the gym! Who needs a close relationship with Jesus when you have a fit body right? I mean the gym was WAY more important. As you can see my priorities were pretty screwed up. I justified it all by saying this was the "me" time I needed to feel refreshed and able to be a good mom to my kids. But here's the kicker. I wasn't being a good mom to my kids. I was ignoring them.

I was starting to compare myself with others and that is NEVER a good thing to do. My body is just that, MY body. I was feeling convicted that I needed to love my body. The body God gave me. Please don't misunderstand me. I am not using this as an excuse to forget about health altogether, eat whatever I want, and gain weight and become unhealthy. I am just saying that healthy looks different on me than it does on others. That is the case for everyone. I worked my butt off for three years, five days a week, two hours a day, and I still didn't have a "perfect" body.

During this time, I got pregnant with my third child. I gained the typical pregnancy weight, but because of how fit I was before the pregnancy I thought I would have a much easier time losing the post baby weight. But...I didn't. I got back to my gym routine, but this time I just couldn't drop the weight. I plateaued. And what did I start doing?? Well obsessing of course! But this time it was worse cause I was just getting discouraged because I wasn't seeing results. And those other "beautiful" moms were still there. And they made me feel like crap. I pretty much hated my body.

So after much consideration and looking at our finances, my husband and I decided not to renew our gym membership. It was a decision we made for our mental health and to free up some funds for some much needed family fun time.

So what do you think happened? Well, of course I gained a little weight. And at first that really did bum me out. But then I realized what I had gained along with that little bit of weight. I gained an amazing unforgettable vacation with my family. It was actually our first real vacation as a family outside of weddings or holidays visiting out of town relatives.

And it didn't stop there. See I realized that spending all that time at the gym, I was missing out on my kids. I was missing out on playing with them and taking them to story times and parks and walks. I work part time from home so shortly after my morning at the gym I would have to get to work. This meant going from ignoring my kids while at the gym to ignoring them while I work. They were not getting the best from their mommy. My gym obsession was causing me to ignore my three little blessings as well as being continuously behind on my responsibilities at home. Because as you recall, I didn't allow anything to get between me and my gym time.

My two oldest are now in school so it is just me and my three year old at home. And because I have let go of my gym time, I have been making memories with my little one. We have been taking trips to the bookstore, library and friends houses. We have been playing outside, riding bikes and snuggling while watching a movie. I will NEVER get this time back. This is once in a lifetime stuff right here. Because eventually he will be in school too. And it will just be me at home remembering these special moments. And instead of having memories of being at the gym I will have memories of playing with my kids. And I can look back without regrets of how I spent my time.  I already missed out on enough.

So instead of the gym I wake up early with my husband to work out at home. I HATE it, mostly cause I like my sleep. But its worth it. I get a little exercise in while spending time with my hubby. I miss a day here and there, but thats ok. I will not allow physical fitness to take over my life again.

The gym will always be there. And maybe someday I will go back if I feel like it. But my kids will not always be 9, 7, and 3. They are going to grow up in a blink of an eye. And I really don't want to miss it.