"A Love Undone" by Cindy Woodsmall

Hey everybody. I've have another book review for you. I have to admit, I REALLY enjoy reading about the Amish. I find their lifestyle incredibly fascinating. They is something nice about the simplicity of how they live. I enjoy reading about them and transporting myself into their world. So this week I read a book about an Amish family.

                                                        cover design by Kelly L Howard

"A Love Undone" by Cindy Woodsmall

A Love Undone is a story about a big Amish family who seems to have everything going for them. The eldest daughter Jolene is about to get married to the love of her life and her parents are getting ready to send her off to a new community far from home. Jolene has five younger siblings. Two weeks before Jolene's wedding, tragedy strikes and Jolene's life is turned upside down. The bright future she thought she had before her changed in a moment.

The story moves forward quickly and gives great insight into the Amish culture. Jolene has to figure out how to grow up fast and take on roles that she wasn't ready for. I really enjoyed the writing style of this book. It painted great word pictures for what it was like to walk in the shoes of a young Amish woman. The overarching story focused on Jolene, but there was also several sub plots that were equally as engaging as her own.

I felt as though the author really had a handle on circumstances that could actually go on within the Amish church and how they would be handled. I began to really care about the characters and feel a sense of injustice for the situations they were going through. This wasn't a book that brushed past conflict and resolved it quickly. Time was taken to really develop the characters and the plot.

This was a book about grace, hope, redemption, and second chances. Four things that I think we all could use in our lives. I would highly recommend this book for someone who enjoys inspirational fiction.

I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.

My Gym Obsession Gone Bad

I used to be an avid gym goer. I would spend five days a week at the gym, two hours each day. I didn't really let anything, except for a sick child, get in the way of my gym time. I was pretty obsessed with working out. I would drop my kids off in child care and be on my merry way to my class of choice. I worked extremely hard and was eating very "healthy." And as a result I lost a significant amount of weight.

However after all that work and weighing less than I had since high school, I still had the "mommy tummy" and my wonderful "love handles." I would look around at other moms of three kids and see their perfectly flat stomachs and wonder what I was doing wrong? I would look at them and envy them and started getting pretty down on myself. It got to a point where my gym habit, instead of being a healthy one, was actually turning into a damaging habit.

I was even putting the gym ahead of my personal quiet time. Which at this time of my life was pretty much never happening. But, hey I was going to the gym! Who needs a close relationship with Jesus when you have a fit body right? I mean the gym was WAY more important. As you can see my priorities were pretty screwed up. I justified it all by saying this was the "me" time I needed to feel refreshed and able to be a good mom to my kids. But here's the kicker. I wasn't being a good mom to my kids. I was ignoring them.

I was starting to compare myself with others and that is NEVER a good thing to do. My body is just that, MY body. I was feeling convicted that I needed to love my body. The body God gave me. Please don't misunderstand me. I am not using this as an excuse to forget about health altogether, eat whatever I want, and gain weight and become unhealthy. I am just saying that healthy looks different on me than it does on others. That is the case for everyone. I worked my butt off for three years, five days a week, two hours a day, and I still didn't have a "perfect" body.

During this time, I got pregnant with my third child. I gained the typical pregnancy weight, but because of how fit I was before the pregnancy I thought I would have a much easier time losing the post baby weight. But...I didn't. I got back to my gym routine, but this time I just couldn't drop the weight. I plateaued. And what did I start doing?? Well obsessing of course! But this time it was worse cause I was just getting discouraged because I wasn't seeing results. And those other "beautiful" moms were still there. And they made me feel like crap. I pretty much hated my body.

So after much consideration and looking at our finances, my husband and I decided not to renew our gym membership. It was a decision we made for our mental health and to free up some funds for some much needed family fun time.

So what do you think happened? Well, of course I gained a little weight. And at first that really did bum me out. But then I realized what I had gained along with that little bit of weight. I gained an amazing unforgettable vacation with my family. It was actually our first real vacation as a family outside of weddings or holidays visiting out of town relatives.

And it didn't stop there. See I realized that spending all that time at the gym, I was missing out on my kids. I was missing out on playing with them and taking them to story times and parks and walks. I work part time from home so shortly after my morning at the gym I would have to get to work. This meant going from ignoring my kids while at the gym to ignoring them while I work. They were not getting the best from their mommy. My gym obsession was causing me to ignore my three little blessings as well as being continuously behind on my responsibilities at home. Because as you recall, I didn't allow anything to get between me and my gym time.

My two oldest are now in school so it is just me and my three year old at home. And because I have let go of my gym time, I have been making memories with my little one. We have been taking trips to the bookstore, library and friends houses. We have been playing outside, riding bikes and snuggling while watching a movie. I will NEVER get this time back. This is once in a lifetime stuff right here. Because eventually he will be in school too. And it will just be me at home remembering these special moments. And instead of having memories of being at the gym I will have memories of playing with my kids. And I can look back without regrets of how I spent my time.  I already missed out on enough.

So instead of the gym I wake up early with my husband to work out at home. I HATE it, mostly cause I like my sleep. But its worth it. I get a little exercise in while spending time with my hubby. I miss a day here and there, but thats ok. I will not allow physical fitness to take over my life again.

The gym will always be there. And maybe someday I will go back if I feel like it. But my kids will not always be 9, 7, and 3. They are going to grow up in a blink of an eye. And I really don't want to miss it.

What if...?

My husband and I recently went to a wedding in a town we once lived 6 years ago. My husband, Jeremy, worked as a youth pastor in this town for 3 1/2 years. The young woman getting married was once of his college students during our time there.

I wish I could say that I had so many great memories of this town and our time there, but unfortunately that isn't the case. Yes, there were good times. However I mostly look back with sorrow and regret with all that transpired during our years there. Ministry is hard and when you have a different idea of how to do that than the majority, it makes it even harder. We spent much of our time there fighting to be able to do the ministry the way God was leading my husband and he found opposition at almost every turn. Not only opposition, but also criticism. And A LOT of criticism.

We lived there for almost 4 years had two of our children there and thought this would be where we spent most of their childhood, but it was becoming clear that this wasn't God's desire for us. We were confronted with a kind of hurt and betrayal by people that we thought loved us and believed in us. We became the result of a "difference in philosophy of ministry." There were only a few relationships that survived through the hurt and most of those were with the youth that Jeremy ministered to. They loved him and were deeply hurt that he would be leaving and they didn't quite understand it all.

Fast forward to the present. We were making a trip back for what would be the 2nd time since we left. I was NOT looking forward to it. I was nervous and unsure of who I would see and what would await us in town. As we drove off the freeway and through the town, I had a very surreal moment. It felt as if we never even lived there. The time we spent there felt like a different life altogether. The person I was, was a different one entirely.

Then of course we started playing the dangerous game of "What If...?" What if we hadn't moved here? What if we had done it their way? What if...What if....What if.... And in doing so we started getting sad and discouraged. At that moment I looked to my husband and said, "No! This is a waste of time saying, what if. We can't live our life that like."

You see the person I was 6 years ago was a women at her lowest. A woman with no friends her own age. A women with very little self esteem. A woman well on her way to being depressed and unmotivated to move forward. All my memories of that time carry a dark shadow over them. At the time I didn't even realize how bad it was getting.

My life was probably the hardest it had ever been. I was a new mom and had no support system living nearby. (except for my husband of course) These are the memories I have of this place that we are about to spend a weekend in.

But as I began to stop asking those what if questions, I instead began to look at who I am today and how God used this time I spent in the valley. He used what I thought was the darkest and loneliest time in my life to help shape and mold me into the woman I am today. He allowed me to go through the pit I was in so that I could truly appreciate what it felt to be on the mountain top.

You see my life had been fairly simple up to that point. As we took a trip into the past I realized that God used us despite the hurt and betrayal we felt. The impact of Jeremy's ministry there still shows itself when he gets phone calls to perform weddings or celebrate life's triumphs. And of course not every day was dark and depressing. There were plenty of days that were filled with happiness and joy as well.

I say all this to encourage anyone who might feel like their life is in shambles. They are feeling like their faith is shaken and wondering why God is allowing them to go through this storm. For anyone out there who is wondering, What if...? Stop saying it! Every decision and circumstance in your life is shaping and molding you. God uses some of the darkest times in our lives to bring us closer to the person he wants us to be. And so that we can ultimately give HIM the glory for getting us through.

And when he reminded me of that TRUTH this weekend I was able to relax and enjoy myself. I was able to unwind, let the past stay in the past, and celebrate the marriage of a very special woman. 

"O Africa"

I love to read. So I thought it would be fun as part of my blog to read some books and write reviews for you. I am so excited to do this, because reading is an extremely relaxing experience for me. So here is  my first book review.

I am reviewing the book "O Africa" by Andrew Lewis Conn

I was initially very excited to start this book. I love historical fiction and I love film so I thought this would be a delight to read. Sadly I was mistaken. The author is very wordy and often seems to reach to find big impressive words to describe scenes and people, when the story doesn't always call for it. 

When I read something I like to be taken in quickly. I am usually thinking about the book through out my day and can't wait til I have a chance to read it again. With "O Africa," I actually couldn't wait to put the book down. The back story and character development was just too slow for me. I was bored reading unnecessary wordy descriptions. The story wasn't really starting so I couldn't get sucked in like I normally do. 

I found myself easily distracted by what was going on around me and having to re read several sections because I just couldn't focus on where the author was going. Being an avid book reader this was very frustrating to me. I wouldn't recommend this book because I personally found it to be a waste of my time.

I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.

What is a "Healthy Life"

I am the youngest of four kids. The baby of the family. Living healthy was a priority for  my family growing up. Our family pantry was devoid of what many would consider quintessential snack foods. There were no twinkies, cookies, cheezits, or sugary cereals. My parents stayed away from most processed foods and when we did indulge in a rare treat they were few and far between.

We ate home cooked dinners most of the time and packed our own lunches for school. My parents did their best to teach us to eat healthy. This essentially backfired on them when the time of birthday parties and spending time at friends houses began to take an active role in our lives. I have vivid memories of hanging out at a neighbor's house while eating an entire can of Pringles all by myself. Everytime I went to my best friend Kelly's house I would make myself a large glass of chocolate milk and gorge on their leftover pizza. It even got to a point where I began sneaking to McDonalds on the way home from school to grab a delicious McChicken sandwich. I even went to the length of stealing from my father's change drawer to buy tator tots and curly fries from the school cafeteria.

My parents were good parents who cared about our health. My dad is a Chiropractor so natural health was of number one importance in our family. I am so thankful for the way my parents raised me, but why did I binge whenever I got the chance? Why did I take full advantage of friends to get that delicious taste of the "forbidden?"

As I look back on it all now, with my adult brain I realize that my parents were doing what they thought was best. But at the same time the fact that we never got to treat or indulge made me be a sneaky, lying, thief.

So fast forward to the present. I have three amazing children of my own now. I also desire to raise them with healthy eating habits and a whole food diet. I don't want my cabinet riddled with processed junk food and convenience foods. When I first ventured into the journey of parenting, I realized how much like my parents I am. But I have definitely learned to relax a bit and seen the importance of letting them treat themselves to some "junk" every now and then.

There are so many trends out there about the latest and greatest and healthiest way to live. It can be so intimidating and overwhelming that I often want to throw in the towel and say forget it! But then I remember that we are living a healthy life. My kids eat a home cooked meal every night. We eat together as a family around the dinner table and talk about our day. Do I sometimes order a pizza or take out? Absolutely!! I even let my kids get hot lunch once a week at school. I think it is so important that we don't become overly obsessive in our lives and learn to let go every once in awhile.

I don't want to hear my kids confessing to me when they are adults about ways that they snuck around or lied to get special treats. Instead I want to be the one who gives them those special treats. I want to watch their faces light up as they take a bite of ice cream from the ice cream truck or enjoy that rare oreo cookie. They are healthy kids who are living a "healthy life." But there is so much importance in allowing them to have these treats. I don't want to teach my kids to be obsessive about their health because that can be just as unhealthy as indulging every day. Instead I want them to know what is good for their bodies, but also know its ok to relax and enjoy some "junk" food every now and then.

Welcome

Hello World,

Welcome to my blog. I have to admit that I have often thought I would start a blog, but was pretty intimidated by it. Then when I finally decided to go for it, I was overwhelmed by the task of choosing a name.

After several searches to find a name that suites me, and finding most of them to be taken, I landed on one that describes my life well. Five Hearts Full of Love. It represents the five people in my family whom I love with all my heart, my amazing husband, my three children, and myself.

So here we are. Hello internet! Thank you for having me. I hope this blog with give other moms encouragement and love. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by all those things out there that we are told we are "supposed" to do to be good moms. Let's all celebrate the fact that we are doing the best we can. We are putting our families first and striving to be as healthy and full of life as we are able to be.

Don't allow yourself to get inundated with the new trends of the latest fad diet or parenting technique. Let's take it back to the simple life. I am obsessive by nature so I when I see the next "best" or "healthiest" of "trendiest" thing out there, I feel the stress begin. I feel the desire to do all of these things and follow all of these different paths, but it always ends in failure because it's just not possible for the life I lead.

Instead I want to embrace who I am, who God has made me to be. I hope you will join me in accepting who YOU are and embracing that. Instead of trying to be someone else be the best YOU that YOU can be. I am on a journey of discovery, discovering who I am and all that God has in store for my life.